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Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Download Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
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Review
“Whether you are already in a long term committed relationship or are just starting one, Eight Dates is an essential guide to building and maintaining true and lasting love. Based on decades of scientific studies and clinical wisdom from our world’s leading visionaries in romance, this fabulous book will enable you to engage in fun and constructive conversations to nurture a love that can grow for a lifetime!” —Daniel J. Siegel, MD, New York Times bestselling author, Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence "Brilliant" —The Chicago Tribune
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About the Author
World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, John Gottman, Ph.D., has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. His work on marriage and parenting has earned him numerous major awards, including four National Institute of Mental Health Research Scientist Awards. He is the author or coauthor of more than 40 books, including the bestselling The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; What Makes Love Last; The Relationship Cure; Why Marriages Succeed or Fail; and Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child. Dr. Gottman’s media appearances include Good Morning America, Today, CBS Morning News, and Oprah, as well articles in the New York Times, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Glamour, Woman’s Day, People, Self, Reader’s Digest, and Psychology Today. Cofounder of the Gottman Institute with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, John was also the Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute. He is Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded "The Love Lab" at which much of his research on couples’ interactions was conducted. He lives in Seattle.Julie Gottman, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the cofounder and President of The Gottman Institute. She is the cocreator of the immensely popular The Art and Science of Love weekend workshops for couples, and she also co-designed the national clinical training program in Gottman Couples Therapy. She is Author/co-author of five books: Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, And Baby Makes Three, 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy, The Man’s Guide to Women, and The Marriage Clinic Casebook. Julie lives in Seattle.Doug Abrams is president and founder of Idea Architects, a literary agency, as well as an author and editor. His most recent bestseller is The Book of Joy, with The Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu. He lives outside Santa Cruz, CA.Rachel Carlton Abrams, M.D., is an integrative physician and the author of the book BodyWise. She and Doug live outside Santa Cruz, CA, and have three young adult children.
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Product details
Hardcover: 224 pages
Publisher: Workman Publishing Company (February 5, 2019)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1523504463
ISBN-13: 978-1523504466
Product Dimensions:
5 x 0.5 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.3 out of 5 stars
11 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#186 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
John Gottman is basically a love guru. He has studied thousands of relationships, and after several decades of clinical observation and study, he can predict with 97% accuracy if a couple will stay together or divorce.I read one of Gottman’s earlier books called The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work when my husband and I were having a rough time just after we were married. It absolutely changed the way I approached our relationship, and it helped us both better communicate so we could come together to work through our issues and move on. (We've been married 13 years now.)I was expecting good things from Eight Dates, and boy did it deliver. The book is divided into eight sections, one for each date. The dates cover eight of the most meaningful, important, and, often, contentious topics that couples deal with: trust and commitment, conflict, sex, money, family, fun and adventure, growth and spirituality, and dreams. Before the dates are introduced, an intro gives characteristics of successful marriages, as well as advice on how to have an intimate conversation and how to listen.There is SO MUCH interesting info in this book! I know not everyone is going to froth at the mouth over learning how couples interact with each other, but I seriously couldn’t get enough. It’s all so interesting to me, discovering what is “normal†and what actually creates a lasting connection, especially when it doesn’t necessarily match up with what I expected. Some of my favorite insights:*** Successful marriages have 20 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction.*** Sixty-nine percent of conflicts in most marriages will never be solved. The trick is to fight about (or let go of) these issues effectively.*** Eighty-percent of married couples have sex at least a few times a month. Of those, 32% have sex 2 to 3 times a week.*** Studies have shown that dual-career couples with young children spend only 10% of their evenings together, with most of that time spent discussing errands. (In other words, they have to work extra hard to keep that romantic spark alive…)*** The five most common subjects that couples fight about are money, sex, in-laws, alcohol or drug use, and parenting.*** Arguments about the unpaid work in a relationship (chores and childcare) tend to cause the most conflict.*** The eight most important elements of a successful marriage are fidelity, good sex, division of chores, adequate income, good housing, shared religious beliefs, shared interests, and children.*** Stay at home parents do about $90,000 worth of work per year. (#preach)*** An early indicator of the future success of a marriage happens during pregnancy and the birth of a child. If a husband (the study only involved heterosexual couples) is involved during pregnancy and birth, the marriage will be happier later on. A father tends to stay involved with the children through the years if his marriage has low conflict and there is continued sex.*** Play is a vital component of a relationship. Couples who play together, stay together. This includes experiencing laughter, excitement, anxiety, and curiosity, both separately and together.*** Conflict is how our relationships grow.*** It’s important for couples to share their dreams with each other. Keeping your dreams from your partner leads to bitterness, resentment, loss of passion and desire, and distance.*** Every person has a dream or life purpose, and it should never be sacrificed for the relationship. It’s possible for both people to achieve their dreams, just typically not at the same time.Is that too much to share? I seriously could go on and on. I just find this stuff fascinating.Practically speaking, this book is very user-friendly. It talks about each topic, summarizes the chapter, then lays out a date night plan complete with suggestions for how to prepare, where to go, problems to look out for, questions to ask, and an affirmation to say together at the end of the date. It’s intense but also very doable. My husband and I haven’t gone through each of these dates yet, but the ones we’ve done have been really interesting and made us feel more connected.In short, I’d recommend this book to any couple looking to take their relationship to the next level. Five enthusiastic stars!
There are several chapters missing in this book. It goes from page 88 to 122. See photo above. Will return it but want to make sure the new book is complete.
Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love is a new book by marriage experts John and Julie Gottman. The book aims to encourage couples to "date" each other in order to strengthen their marriages. As the title suggests, Gottman and Gottman provide resources for eight dates which primarily focus on essential conversations to have with each other. . Each chapter provides background information on the topic including why it is an essential conversation and why the topic is important for a long, lasting marriage. At the end of the chapter a list of questions is provided along with suggestions for a date.This is a book where ideally each spouse has a copy or has a copy they can easily share. For this reason, the hardbound copy would be a better purchase. While useful for couples of all ages, couples still in the earlier years of their relationship will benefit the most from this resource. Marriage therapists and pre-marital counselors will wish to add this resource to their arsenal of tools as well.Disclosure of Material Connection: I received the book Eight Dates via NetGalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
This book shows couples how to get curious about each other and have intimate conversations that strengthen their relationship. It is appropriate for couples at any stage of relationship.The book was easy to read with a nice mix of research-backed discussion (citations provided in the endnotes), personal stories and case studies, exercises, and suggestions for how to conduct each of the eight dates. I especially appreciated all of the examples from the authors’ own relationships. I also liked the “Speed Dating†section of each chapter summarizing the important points—that will be helpful for later review. The URL mentioned in the ARC I reviewed did not lead to the correct website, but I found the referenced worksheets available to download (with no signup required) on the publisher’s website.I recommend this book for anyone interested in improving their romantic relationships, although it seems best suited for those in a committed, monogamous relationship. Note that both members of a couple need to read the book for the dates to work as designed.I was provided an unproofed ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review. Because I have not seen the final published version, I cannot comment on the final editing and formatting, but the ARC appeared to be well edited and neatly formatted.
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